


Putting Out Fires in my Head

by simpleEnthusiast



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, PTSD, Rabbit is an A+ sister, Recovery, Robot Snuggles, reposting cuz i done f-ed up the first version
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpleEnthusiast/pseuds/simpleEnthusiast
Summary: It had slipped out.  He hadn't meant it, but the look on Michael's face said everything The Spine needed to know.This is a companion piece to New to the Collection by ClockworkCreation.  This story will not make sense if you do not read that first.





	Putting Out Fires in my Head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clockworkcreation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockworkcreation/gifts).
  * Inspired by [New to the Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14350365) by [Clockworkcreation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockworkcreation/pseuds/Clockworkcreation). 



> Title is pulled from the lyrics to Sleep Evil Sleep, written by Isabella Bennett.
> 
> All characters belong to the creators of Steam Powered Giraffe

He hadn't meant for it to happen.

The Spine slunk to the back of the Hall of Wires, letting said wires coil around him in a protective bubble as he detached from his chassis and slithered into a hammock that soon lifted him into a secluded corner. 

It had slipped out.  He hadn't meant it, but the look on Michael's face said everything The Spine needed to know.

The thick wires curled and shifted around him until he was finally alone in a dark ball, just big enough to encompass him, where not even QWERTY's interface panel could reach him.  Only then did he let tears of oil drip from his eyes as he replayed the instance in his mind.

* * *

 

Michael Reed had frowned as The Spine plucked at his new guitar.  Neither he nor David had spoken of how his old one had been broken, but it was fairly clear in their eyes that it hadn't been an accident. 

“You sure you're up for this, Spine?  We can push it off another week or so."

The Spine had quietly shaken his head.  "Nonsense, Mr. Reed.  The fans have been eager to see us since our…," his fingers faltered in his tuning.  "…last show."  He finally settled on a neutral term, not wanting to draw unwanted attention to the fact that he still worried about David as he tuned the last two strings and slid the guitar down to rest at his side.  "I wouldn't dream of disappointing them."

Rabbit, having felt his apprehension over their local network, had glanced over, cocking her head.   "You sure?  I can fake a malfunction…"

"No, Rabbit, that won't be necessary.  It's just a few small sets at Balboa Park again.  Nothing major.  I'll be fine."

The impromptu show had pleased the admittedly large crowd that had gathered, and many fans expressed relief that The Spine was alright after the last disastrous show.  David had stood off to the side, with Bunny and Steve at his side, watching the parade of fans. He looked glad they weren't paying attention to him or the dark band of fabric around his upper arm and even more so that they didn't know the details of their capture.

The Spine was perfectly polite to each and every one of them, taking pictures and accepting a few drawings and letters.  But even after only an hour, he was venting a lot of steam from his upper spines and his right photoreceptor had started to flicker.  Rabbit and Hatchworth did their best to field as many of the fans as possible, but with so many people wanting to welcome The Spine back, it was hard to do.  Eventually, when The Spine's neck began to tic, Michael had stepped in, announcing that they needed to get back to the Manor and to send any more well wishes to the band via social media.

The Spine had sighed then, venting steam from his cheeks and back as he let Michael, Hatchworth, and Rabbit usher him off to the side where David handed him a bottle of fresh water.

"Thank you, David." He had said as he gulped it down, refilling his boiler. 

Things had seemed mostly fine when he'd stopped venting steam as they piled into the vehicles to make their way back to the manor.  Rabbit and Hatchworth were their usual rambunctious selves and the humans seemed to be enjoying their discussion on the topic of video games, so The Spine had taken the opportunity to run a brief diagnostic check on his internal systems.  He shouldn't have been venting so much steam after so short a set.

So wrapped up in his diagnostic checks was he that he hadn't noticed they'd arrived.  Or that everyone had disembarked but him.  Or that people were trying to get his attention.

Until the unthinkable happened.

"Spine!Come on, let's go!"  Michael had raised his voice only a tiny bit, just enough to grab his attention.

It had slipped out.  He hadn't meant it.

_"Yes, Master."_

He hadn't even realized what he had said at first.   He had been confused when Michael recoiled from him like he'd been burned.

"Spine, wha?"

"Mr. Reed?" 

"You called me 'master'."

The Spine had never understood the human phrase "my stomach dropped" until that exact moment.  It felt like his blue matter core had solidified and crushed half of his internal workings.

“I…Mr. Reed, Michael, I'm sorry…" He had stammered out, steam leaking from his neck and cheeks again. 

David had hesitantly stepped forward, saying…something, but The Spine wasn't sure what.  He didn't want to find out, didn't want to see the hurt in his friends' eyes.  He ran for the manor.

* * *

 

 "Stupid."  The Spine scolded himself.  "You're supposed to support them.  Not show your own struggles.  That will only make them worry about you when they need to be healing.  Bravo, The Spine, bravo."  

{The Spine?} Rabbit pinged him over the Wi-Fi.  {The Spine, where are you?}

He ticked off his connection.  He'd done enough damage for one day.

His world was quiet and dark for a while, but he could hear QWERTY's interface panel circling around his makeshift privacy bubble.  He coiled his spinal column around his head as if it would add a layer of protection.  Against what, he didn't know, but it made him feel slightly better.

He replayed the scene in his mind several times over, trying to figure out how he'd screwed up so badly.  How could he have showed such weakness, especially in front of his family?  He was the strong one.  He was the one that kept his siblings alive on the various battlefields over time, at his own expense.  He was the one that made sure the various human children that they’d lived with had all of their small hurts tended to when they fell from a tree, or tumbled down the stairs, or when they came home from school sporting bruises from the neighborhood bullies.   He was the one that was supposed to ensure his technician’s health.   
  
And oh, how wonderfully had that worked out.  He never should have let David break his guitar; never should've put him at such risk just for a few seconds of Wi-Fi access.  It was  _his fault_  that David would never be able to play in the sun for more than a few precious moments, or take those hot showers and baths that humans were so fond of.  

And now this.  Shame welled up, making his vocal processor stick and stutter and the Spine once again finally understood a human idiom he'd so often heard: "a lump in my throat."

He heard someone fighting with the wires and he shrunk back, calling for more to reinforce his bubble.

He once overheard some of his human family members talking about how, when they were sad, they wanted to curl up in a ball under some heavy blankets and disappear at times.  Never before had the Spine truly understood what they meant.  But now, with the comforting silence and darkness of his bubble of wires under threat, he understood.  

"Whoever you are, go away."  He called out, coiling his spine tighter around his head.

"The Spine?  C-come on out.  P-p-please?"

Spine winced.  Of course it'd be Rabbit who'd brave the Hall.  "Go away, Rabbit.  Leave me alone."

"The Spine, we-we're not mad, just c-come out."

"No."

"The Spine…"

His sensors informed him that Rabbit was pulling at the wires of his protective bubble and he shook his head.  "P-please….go away…."  He whimpered, wincing at the stutter.

"I'm not leavin' m-my little brother all alone in here."  Rabbit called, tugging at the wires surrounding him.

"I'm not worth it."  He choked out, shutting his photoreceptors as if it would force her to leave.  "Just leave."

"The Spine...what do ya mean?"

He shook his head, despite her not being able to see him.  "Just go away, Rabbit.  Please…just leave me."

"No.  You can pull all the wires in this hall around you, b-b-but I'm not leaving unless you're out of th-this bubble and back in y-your chassis."

The Spine was quiet.  He knew that once Rabbit made up her mind, it was doubtful she'd lose interest.  Especially where family was concerned.    "Rabbit…please…."

"No, The Spine.  I'm gonna stay r-right here and keep pulling at these wires until I b-b-break down or you come out."

He didn't want Rabbit to get hurt, so he stopped ordering wires to conceal him, letting Rabbit pull them away and expose him.

She frowned when she finally had peeled enough of them away to see him.  His hat and wig had been discarded along with his chassis, and tracks of oil leaked from his eyes.   He refused to meet her gaze and stubbornly stayed off the Wi-Fi.  "The Spine?  The Spine, come on down n-n-now."

He coiled his spinal column tighter around himself.  "You can see me.  Isn't that enough?"

"Nope.  C'mon, I…I n-need your help with somethin'."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, I do. Promise."

"No, you…I'm not doing this with you, Rabbit.  I’m right here and I want to be left alone."

"What you want and what you need are two different things, The Sp-spine."  She reached up and moved his spinal column so she could see his dimmed photoreceptors.  "And you need someone with you."

The Spine was silent as he let Rabbit pick him up.  His spinal column hung limp from his neck and he still refused to look at her. 

She sighed, rubbing the oil tracks off his cheeks with the edge of her dress.  "C-come on, The Spine." She breathed, coiling his spinal column up and cradling his head to her core, like their Ma had held him when he first came home from Africa.   "I know I ain't got a heartbeat, but the coolant pump should kinda sound like one."  She offered, stroking her gloved hand over her brother's scalp.

The Spine bit back a sob, wrapping his spinal column around himself again as Rabbit carried him back to his chassis.  He was hesitant to go back in, but there was little else to do when Rabbit set him down.

He reconnected his spinal column to the motor sensors and flushed steam through his vents, the surge of energy that normally came with reattaching seeming almost oppressive.

Rabbit waited until he blinked open his photoreceptors again and held out his hat.

The Spine shook his head.

Rabbit frowned, setting the hat aside and reaching for her brother's hand.  "C-come on, The Spine."  She smiled softly.

"I’m not reconnecting to the Wi-Fi."  He whispered as she clasped his hand in hers.

"Okay.  That's ok-kay.  You don't have to."  She soothed.  "Just come with me."

He let her lead him from the Hall of Wires and through the Manor's corridors, pausing only long enough for her to dart into the kitchen and return with a loaf of bread.   He winced as he saw Chelsea's look of concern, but Rabbit had pulled him away before she could say anything.

He followed her on autopilot, his mind replaying the incident for him again.  He was vaguely aware of her leading him through the gardens and hedge maze until at last she stopped.  "Okay, come s-s-sit down." She sat on a reinforced bench about four feet from the edge of the water and started to tear chunks of bread off.

The Spine glanced up.   The Duck Pond.  She'd brought him to the Duck Pond.  "Rabbit…"

"Please?"

The Spine vented steam from his back, but sat down next to her, still quiet. 

Rabbit set a large chunk of the loaf of bread in his lap as the ducks started waddling up the bank. “J-just tear it into tiny pieces for them, and they e-e-eat it right outta your hand."  She smiled, tossing a few pieces onto the ground before resting one on her fingers and holding it out to one of the female ducks.

The Spine watched as the duck approached his sister with no hesitation and quickly gobbled down the bread.  Rabbit beamed as she repeated the process and continued tossing other pieces to the ground to appease the other ducks that had gathered.

The Spine tore off a small piece of his half of the bread loaf and set it in the grass near one of the ducks, allowing the ghost of a smirk to cross his face as the duck ate it and waddled over to him.

They fed the ducks in silence until all the bread was gone, then Rabbit scooted over to him and pulled him into a hug.  "You ready to talk about it, The Spine?"

He shut his photoreceptors again.  "It was an accident…I didn't mean…"

"Shh, it's okay.  We-we know.  Michael Reed ain't mad.  He's j-just worried about ya."

"I didn't want--” He swallowed, turning to hide his face in Rabbit's shoulder.  "I want to be back to normal.  I was just trying to run a diagnostic…I didn't mean to…"

"I know, The Spine.  It was an accident.  We're n-not mad."

"Why not?  I called Mr. Reed 'Master'.  I had no reason to…he's never…”  He paused, “Michael has never been anything but kind to us.  He’s never treated me, treated any of us…like things…inanimate objects…or even as pets….he’s always saw us as living things, near human…and I… just…”  Steam hissed angrily from his neck and cheeks.

“Exactly, The Spine.  He sees us as living things.  He, of all people, understands that accidents happen.”

“But this? I had no-no-no-no reason to call him that.”  He winced at his vocal processor sticking, glancing up long enough for Rabbit to see the anguish on his face.  “I can't explain why it happened, Rabbit… I’m damaged, I must be!” He cried, steam and oil soaking his sister’s bodice. “My logic processors… they aren’t functioning, they can’t be.  I should be…decommissioned…discarded."

"You s-stop that, right now, The Spine." Rabbit scolded, pulling away and forcing The Spine to meet her gaze.  "You're n-no more damaged than me.  And Mr. Reed or Bunny or Peter VI or Chelsea and Camille? They don't get mad w-when I malfunction.  And they ain't gonna g-g-get mad at you."

The Spine looked away, oil leaking from his photoreceptors again.

Rabbit turned him to look at her, her expression having softened.  "The Spine, you s-spend so much t-time taking care of the rest of us, you ain't taking c-care of yourself.  Even Pappy and Ma had to tell you to take b-b-breaks."

"David needed more immediate attention."

"And we got him help."

"He still needs me, Rabbit." His optics widened as he realized how far from the manor Rabbit had brought him. "Rabbit, I can't....I have to....the drug, the injection site, he shouldn't be alone...I have to..." He pulled away, his heat-sink fins sliding out as steam started leaking from his neck again.

Rabbit reached up and tugged him back down onto the bench. "David's gonna be okay, The Spine. He's hanging out with Bunny and Michael Reed right now."

The Spine flinched, his mind replaying the incident yet again for him and he slumped back down. The images flashed before his eyes and he bit back a whimper. "Michael must hate me."

"Why would y-you think that?"

"He was injured in the rescue, Rabbit. Him and Steve...and then I went and called him M-m-mas-" He couldn't bring himself to say the word again.

"It was an accident, The Spine. He's not mad."

"Chelsea was in shock."  He whispered.  "If I had watched Du Franks closer, memorized the code…she wouldn't have to bear that burden…"

"The Spine, she's fine.  Everyone's okay now."  Rabbit chided.   "Everyone's been helped.  Except you.  Now it's your turn.  You can't just k-k-keep tellin' everyone y-you're fine when you're not."

"I…"  He worked his jaw, his processors unable to come up with another excuse. 

Rabbit wiped the oil tracks from his cheeks again.  "Let us help you, The Spine.  You deserve to be helped, after all the h-helping you've done over the years."

The Spine said nothing, thumping his head down against Rabbit's chassis and venting steam from his neck and back.   "I'm sorry…"  He choked out, his form trembling with sobs as he continued to leak steam.

"Sh, sh… It's okay.  I gotcha, The Spine.  I gotcha."  She soothed, holding him tight as he cried.

He clung to his sister, the pressure of her hug being only thing keeping him grounded as he let his emotional programming run its course

Rabbit held him, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around him, until he finally calmed.  She waited until he'd stopped leaking steam and trembling to finally pull away and once again wipe the oil stains from his faceplate. "You ready to go back in?"

"No...Not yet, please." He winced at how weak his voice sounded.

"Okay.  We'll sit out here a bit longer."

The Spine sat up, shifting as he readjusted from the hug.  "Rabbit?"

"Yeah?"

"C-could you…hold me?  Like you did before?  Like Ms. Tonia…. like Ma used to?"

"Sure, The Spine."  Rabbit smiled, holding out her arms as The Spine detached from his chassis and slithered into her lap.

He coiled his spinal column around him again and nestled into her arms as she cradled him, pressing his audioreceptor against her middle and letting the sounds of her boiler and coolant pumps push his thoughts from his mind.  He could see the ducks swimming in the pond from the corner of his eye, so he watched them swim, while Rabbit hummed "Sleep Evil Sleep."

They stayed at the duck pond until the shadows grew long around them.  His internal clock marked the dinner hour for the manor and he sighed.  "Put me back, Rabbit.  I owe Mr. Reed an apology.  And…I should refill my boiler."

Rabbit gently set her brother's head and neck back on his chassis then took his hand.  "Hatchy's been on the Wi-Fi, askin' about you.  Can I tell him we're coming back now?"

The Spine nodded.  "I'm…not ready to reconnect yet.  Maybe after a stasis nap."

"Take all the time you need, The Spine.   We ain't g-g-gonna get mad at you.   And…if you ev-ev-ever start feelin' all sad like this, or m-make a mistake…you can come out here to the pond with me.  It always makes me f-feel better.  I'll even hold your head like Ma did.  All you g-gotta do is ask."

The Spine allowed a small smile to form.  "Thank you, Rabbit…That means more to me than you know."

Rabbit smiled as she walked behind him.  He held his back straighter and his stride was more confident.  “Hey, Spine?”  She touched his shoulder as they neared the kitchen.

“Yes, Rabbit?”  He paused, turning to look at her.

“Maybe tomorrow, you an’ m-me, we can work on a new song?  I h-have an idea, for a song about DUCKS!”

The Spine offered a smile.  “Alright Rabbit.  We’ll write another song tomorrow.”

“About ducks?”

“About ducks.”

Rabbit pumped her fist excitedly, as the two automatons joined the rest of their family.  “YES!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to ClockworkCreation who gave me the permission to write using the universe they'd so wonderfully developed in New to the Collection. I hope I did it justice!


End file.
